Thursday, January 25, 2007


By Jeanette Agati

In the beginning, some things just go awry. Like baby steps, one needs to learn which way to go, what things are wrong, and what things eventually are accepted as right. The same thing happens to medical transcription. Ears untrained to Americal slang can lead to words or phrases being misheard that when written look and read like alien messages from Mars. Here are some “best” examples of trainees hearing other things when dictator doctors actually meant something else:

1.) By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

2.) The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

3.) The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

4.) Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

5.) The patient has no past history of suicides.

6.) Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

7.) The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

8.) Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

9.) She is numb from her toes down.

10.) When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

11.) The patient had an injury on the fourth, fifth, and sixth digits of the right hand.

12.) Rectal exam revealed a normal-sized thyroid. (Note: The thyroid is found in the neck area)

13.) Diagnosis: Sick-As-Hell Disease. (Correct term: Sickle Cell Disease)

14.) The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

15.) She has two living children, one of which has died.

16.) This is a healthy-appearing, decrepit, 60-year-old white female, mentally alert but forgetful.

17.) I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

18.) Her husband is going to cook for her, which will be rather grotesque.

19.) She has been holding herself responsible for her mother's being raped all her life.

20.) The patient had a penile transplant.

21.) She slipped on the floor for 15 years.

22.) She notes that she has lost her lack of smell.

Fortunately for us, the great training we receive clears up the mind, attunes our ears, and our reports eventually end up 99% accurate. Sometimes it’s just so amusing to look back at how we got here.

About the author
Jeanette Agati is a confirmed eccentric, having had seen the light refuses to practice her profession and would rather listen and decipher the idiotic ramblings of her peers. You would normally see her smoking the day away or drinking herself to stupor with her ever loyal friends, namely, Jack, Johnny and Jim. She is from HDI.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Life in Healthcare isn't that boring at all, is it? Very hilarious! We want more of your bloopers in the future.